Dear Reader,
As I sat on my prayer mat today, after praying Zuhr (the midday prayer), my thoughts lead me to an examination of my own qualities. And I realised I have many, many flaws. For example:
- as my rather perceptive mum would tell you, I'm far too loud at inappropriate times,
- somewhat selfish when it comes to sweets/fruits/foods I like (Saag-paneer!! All mine muhuha haha haa),
- I spend far too much money on books and particular clothes I take a fancy to,
- writing a blog-post when I have a assignment deadline tomorrow and final exams in 3 days time shows I have obvious issues with procrastination,
- I get easily distracted when I'm not reading or writing - facebook can be my arch nemesis at times! (the struggle between us sometimes turns ugly)
- I can be rather impatient at times, especially in things concerning my brothers,
- unfortunately, I take a bit too much pride in my appearance
- I can't sit absolutely still for more than 5 mins - either my fingers are perpetually fiddling with something or my feet are swinging/tapping (pen-tapping haters beware)
- and the list goes on...
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| Image from: http://rosekate.me/2011/03/12/introspection/ |
But there is one quality that I rather like about myself: ever since I was a child, I've not been very judgemental or prejudiced, especially when it comes to physical appearance, race, religion, culture, wealth, gender, sexuality, social status etc... (Aside: of course if some strange man was lairing at me at, lets say, a tube station, then I would probably pre-judge him and avoid him like the plague. But that's actually the difference between judging a situation and actually being judgemental.) Anyway, I truly and heartily believe the Islamic teaching that everyone is created equal, that we are all equal in the eyes of God. Being completely omniscient as He is, only He has a right to judge between us; only God knows what's really in our heart of hearts and how humble and pious we actually are. Besides, I think that physical appearances, race, gender, wealth, social status etc... are very shallow and superficial criterion on which to judge a person's worth.
However, there's a flip side to this coin. While meditating on the prayer mat, I realised that the prejudices that I do hold (because no one is completely without them) stem from two things that are rather inter-linked. The first, and foremost, is arrogance. I hate it, cannot stand it and will not abide by it. Especially within myself. And the vast amounts of arrogance I perceive, is probably the cause of my abhorrence towards the "hip-pop" culture. Also, if I'm meeting a person for the first time and I detect true arrogance, then I can't help but take an instant dislike to them. Unfortunately, this has happened to me often enough, the most prominent case in my life being the brother of one of my beloved, old friend, whom I've known now for almost 17 years now.
The second thing is disrespectfulness. It annoys me without end, whether it be towards older people, children, other religions/cultures, racism, being disrespectful in jest/mockery or disrespectful language used in films, songs and even books. As hard as it is to believe, there are actually books that I can't read. Those are the book that have a lot of swear words in them. I've tried reading a few that are well known "bestsellers" but I never seem to get past the first chapter. *Sigh.* I think that disrespectfulness in itself is caused by three things: 1) a very bad-temper 2) a disregard of other people's feelings and 3) thinking of yourself superior or better than someone else i.e. arrogance. Most of the time it's a vile combination of all three.
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Few! I'm glad I got that off my chest. But I should be getting back to my work now, before my mind finds more ways to procrastinate...
Nida
